the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
