i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
