Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And then my night got REAL pukey
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
