I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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