I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
