we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
