We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i now understand why vodka
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
