Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
