I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
