Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
