He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize