He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We had sex on a dog bed..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
