the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
