while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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