I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
