i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
