my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
