i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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