I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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