trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
