just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wear drunk well.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize