i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
