After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
