okay pat passed out under dana's car
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I understand Curling. That high.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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