It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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