Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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