Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
