yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
