and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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