THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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