i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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