Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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