I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
