just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
