we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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