so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
