her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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