Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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