just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The air was thick with penises
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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