You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
