sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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