I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
