you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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