when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
