The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
