how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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