Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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