I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
