But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So. Much. Porn.
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