Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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