I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
