how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's never too late to be topless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
