i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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