the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
