btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Terrible idea I love it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
