Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
