I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
