just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
