There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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