I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
