I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, beer. Big fan.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize