Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
