if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
