i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
