ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
