Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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