I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
