Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My breasts were aching with rage.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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