two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
