She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
