you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
