I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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