There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
