i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize