Do you still have your period?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
