i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
