Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
