I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
