if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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