Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just invented taco cereal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
