just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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