Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize