I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
