I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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