My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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