Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
