Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
