I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
