pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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