Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
