My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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