First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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