He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
