I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
