Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
