Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
