I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
