I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
