my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
