Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well you can't waste a boner
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Shame - the story of my life.
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