I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
