Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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