five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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