How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
