Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's never too late to be topless.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
