Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
