I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
