Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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